note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
