I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
