I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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