So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
