he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
