i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
