i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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