We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
