i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's shark week go big or go home
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
