why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
