"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
