If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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