my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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