Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
