yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
