Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
