He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
