I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
