I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
