Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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