she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
