My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and she was petting her beer can
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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