Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
