I just saw a hot homeless man
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
