Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
