no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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