They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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