I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize