my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
