Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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