God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
