he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
