The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize