one two three fourrrrnication!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
