Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had sex on a roof
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
