hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
