how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize