I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
