You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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