btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
