Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You smell like stripper and shame
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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