She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
