I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My hand turned me down
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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