my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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