You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
