I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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