hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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