This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have aggressive nipples.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
