my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
