you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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