It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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