Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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