My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
