is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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