we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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