I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
