my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
