the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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