I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
