and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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