this just has baby written all over it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
