i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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