I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wear drunk well.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
