i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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