How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
