WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
