I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
