Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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