So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
