im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
