considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
