the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
