3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
