Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
