Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
