you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
