I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
