You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
