I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
