after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
