I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize