Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize