You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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