Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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