Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
