that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
