i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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