i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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