He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
